my valentine.

I know this is probably totally uncool on a potentially embarrassing level, but oh well.

Happy Valentine's Day, all.  I thought I'd share one of the things that makes my day on a consistent basis: waking up to this scene.

My Valentine, fast asleep, snuggled with my stuffed animal (and a few of his own).  

Thank you for being the love of my life, J.  You're the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't wait to marry you!

eleven.

I am fortunate to know many great folks, both online and offline.  Sometimes, I get to know them in both arenas!  Alex at Moving on in Chicago is part of almost all of my worlds-- I used to be her supervisor, now I'm a colleague, she's always been a friend, and she blogs.  Earlier, Alex tagged me in a little exercise to get my blogging juices flowing.  Here goes!

Eleven.

1. Post these rules.

2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.

3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.

11 Random Things:

1. I hate scary movies. I won't watch them and don't care how great they supposedly are.  My imagination often gets the best of me and I can't handle the nightmares and paranoia for days afterwards.
2. I own more clothes than I could ever possibly wear.  This runs in my family-- overstuffed closets are a Gray family trait!
3. My middle name is my maternal grandmother's middle name.  My sister's middle name is my paternal grandmother's middle name.  My nephew's middle name is my dad's middle name.  I love this tradition and plan to continue it when we have children.
4. I've never been more overwhelmed with emotion than the first time I saw my nephew, rolling down the hallway in an incubator just minutes after he was born.
5. I could watch reruns of Friends and Sex and the City on a loop forever.  I never get tired of either of those shows.
6. I've been told for years that I am intimidating.  It's an odd statement to me, because while I may be good at faking confidence, I'd say that in actuality, I am fairly insecure.
7. I am saddened by the fact that I have lived in Chicago for over 5 years and I've only been visited twice by my parents and once by my sister.  None of my best friends have ever visited me, either.  It frustrates me to be the one to always bear the financial burden of maintaining personal visits.
8. My dream vacation would take me to Ireland, Scotland, Italy and Greece.  Ireland and Scotland to research my family heritage, Italy for the food, and Greece for the history and beaches.
9. I hate being alone.  It's gotten worse since moving in with Jeremy.  I can't stand spending time in my house by myself.
10. I am a perfectionist with very little patience.  This is why crafting and I don't get along.
11. I'm totally a night person.  My ideal schedule would be sleeping 12am-9am and working 1030am-7pm.  I always feel tired when waking up early, no matter if I've gotten tons of sleep or not.

And now, 11 questions from Alex:

1. What is your favorite dinner meal?  Ribeye steak (cooked medium), twice baked potato, roasted asparagus, chocolate lava cake.  Please note I have never made this at home, LOL.
2. What is your favorite sports team and WHY?  The Chicago Cubs.  Though I've only lived here for 5 years, I am actually a lifelong fan!  My dad and I watched games together during the Mark Grace-Ryne Sandberg era since WGN is a nationwide channel.  The Cubs were a staple of my house growing up, so the Northsiders have always had a special place in my heart!
3. What did you always want to be when you grew up (or when you grow up?)  From the age of 6, I knew I wanted to be a nurse.  I always loved helping out anyone in my family when they were sick or in need of help.  However, after 1.5 years in nursing school (when it came to cadaver dissection), I realized I was way too squeamish for the job.  Thankfully, I finally found a way to use my caring skills otherwise!
4. If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why?  My grandmother, Addie Gray.  Grandma Gray passed away when I was 12, and I feel like I didn't get to know her well at all.  I have so many questions about her life and our family.
5. What is one question you wish you could ask our President?  I would ask President Obama what his true feelings on the place of higher education in our country are.  The topic is all encompassing-- it touches finance, employment, education and policy, all in one.
6. Do you subscribe to any magazines? If so, what?  Yes.  Rachael Ray and Marie Claire.  Only because I got them for $5/each for the year.
7. What is your favorite moment in the last year?  Getting engaged!
8. What article of clothing could you not live without?  Good bras.  Being a well-endowed lady, having my boobs supported is non-negotiable.
9. What is one thing you want to accomplish in the next year?  I'd love to get our wedding completely planned, if not over with!  Getting married is not at all about the party for me, so it's a hugely daunting idea to think about planning a wedding.
10. What is the most daring thing you have ever done?  Moving 1000 miles away from my family and friends to Chicago in 2006.
11. What is one thing you miss the most from your past?  I miss being a student.  I've always loved school and miss it dearly.

My 11 Questions:

1. What is your favorite scent?
2. If you could relive one day in your life (without making any changes to it), what day would you choose?
3. Where would you like to retire?
4. What is one TV show you cannot stand, and why?
5. If you had to give up one sense (taste, smell, sight, hearing, touch), what would it be and why?
6. What is one word that you use too much?
7. Tell me one tradition your family participates in that you love.
8. What is your favorite season, and why?
9. Name something about your life that scares you, or makes you feel uncomfortable.
10. What is your favorite sport, and why?
11. Where would you travel on your ideal vacation?

Tag, you're it:

Anyone who has time!  Ellen and Amy are moms with new babies.  Stacy has a wildly successful food blog.  My sister, Pam, is uber busy with my cute nephew and work.  Sarah is juggling work, school and volunteerism.  So really, any of y'all who have a spare moment to humor me, go for it!

an offer i couldn't refuse.

For all those who've begged for the story via email, facebook and twitter, here you go.  I'm not big on sharing major personal details, but this seems to be one of those situations where NOT telling the story lends itself to more questions than just biting the bullet!


Quite honestly, we've been talking about getting married since a few weeks into our relationship.  However, we've been through a lot in the last few years that prohibited the timing or funding supporting the idea of getting engaged.  Admittedly, I had grown impatient with our situation; living together for 2.5 years and sharing so much, it felt weird to not be on the official path to marriage.  Turning 30 this year, I had a little bit of a heart palpitation thinking about not being married or a mother.  Old-fashioned and unhip, I know... but I waited 27 years to find this man and I've waited even longer to be a mom!


I had always told J I hated two types of proposals: ones that take place in public and ones that take place on holidays (apologies to those who like those situations).  Over Thanksgiving, J and I discussed getting engaged within the next few months.  As I looked at the calendar in December, I noticed that two of my most hated proposal possibilities were on the horizon; we were attending a Chicago Blackhawks game mid-month and would then be visiting my family in Virginia for Christmas.


The Blackhawks game came and went without a proposal.  We exchanged our personal gifts to each other on December 21, a little different than in years past, so that we didn't have to transport extra stuff with us on the drive.  As we left for Virginia on December 22, I joking asked J if he had a ring with him for Christmas.  His poker face didn't reveal much, and I thought we might make it past the holiday without being engaged.  It was a melancholy feeling.  


On Christmas morning, I woke up and began cooking for our family dinner.  In the early afternoon, I showered and got dressed as Jeremy made Christmas phone calls to his family and friends.  As I finished getting ready, Jeremy approached me and pulled out a shiny silver box.  He opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring, put an arm around my waist and popped the question!  At first I was shocked-- the first word out of my mouth was "REALLY?!"  However, I caught myself and realized what was happening.  Without hesitation, I said yes and he put the ring on my finger.  We spent the rest of the day telling family and friends our news (my mom's reaction was priceless) and enjoying Christmas with my family.


It's been a little over two weeks since he asked, and things are in a holding pattern.  I'm thrilled to be engaged but very impatient.  As a big planner, I am frustrated that we are waiting on other details to fall into place before exploring wedding ideas ourselves.  It's hard to not at least have a date or location tied down-- I think once we get into making some headway on those decisions, things will really feel real.  That, and when we have to start spending money, of course...

oh me, oh my.

Remember what I last wrote about things slowing down soon?

Well, there ain't no rest for the wicked.  I should have known better than to show my cards like that!

The last six weeks have been... crazmazing?  I just made that word up, because I don't have one that accurately describes life at the moment.

J is still unemployed, but I am so incredibly proud to announce that he was accepted into Columbia College Chicago just before the holidays.  It has been a longtime dream of his to work in the radio communications field, and he intends to pursue a degree in both production and talent at Columbia.  Right now, we are anxiously awaiting a financial aid package that will either make or break this dream for the time being!

I was very lucrative in my job search at the end of November and had a few great phone interviews.  Thus far, one of them has resulted in an on-campus visit that I am very excited about.  Next week, I will be traveling to North Carolina for a two day interview for a position that really matches my next desired career step.  I have also recently moved into a new position on my current campus that I'm very excited about, and I do love Chicago... it will really come down to gut instinct, I guess!

Of course, if I am fortunate enough to be offered the position in North Carolina, we will have some hard decisions ahead.  I am extremely supportive and encouraging of J's desire to further his education.  However, I also feel that the opportunity to move on in my career is something that can't be tossed aside flippantly.  There are other things to consider in the equation as well, such as finances, location and whatnot that weigh heavily in the decision.  I have a great/awful feeling though, that we will both get what we want (J =  a full ride, E = job offer) and someone will end up feeling like they might have missed out.

Further complicating matters, yet extremely exciting, is the fact that we're engaged!  J popped the question on Christmas Day (much to my chagrin... the story will get its own entry soon) and I, of course, said yes.  The funny thing is, things don't feel terribly different.  I mean, I now have this amazing ring on my finger to gaze at all day, but everything else is as wonderful as always.

have you ever seen something so pretty?

Don't get me wrong-- we are excited.  But, not excited in a Monica-from-Friends-I-have-my-entire-wedding-already-planned way.  In actuality, I have found that I have very little desire to plan a wedding.  It seems like so much work and so much money for something to please other people.  What would please me most is being married, not having a party.  I've bought a little more time on the wedding planning at the moment, however, until we figure out where we'll be in the next few months.  It doesn't make much sense to start planning something that might have to change due to moving or a class schedule.  Hopefully in the next month or so, all that will settle out and we can start planning... but really, anyone who finds wedding planning fun or thrilling, hit me up.  Your energy is welcome and appreciated!

With that, 2011 has passed and 2012 is here.  2011 in its entirety was crazmazing, now that I think about it.  We traveled abroad, celebrated big birthdays and anniversaries, dealt with being a one-income family and got engaged!  There was a lot of stress, but a lot of good in there as well.  I hope 2012 brings more positives and I'm committed to doing my best wherever I land and being appreciative for what I have and those around me.

What are you committed to in 2012?

really busy that day.

I think there comes a time in every blog's life where they get tossed aside, forgotten and bypassed for shinier, prettier or more pressing things.  It seems the last 3 months have been this blog's such dormant period.  My apologies-- we've had a bit of a wild ride.

J lost his job at the end of August, the result of an incident with his supervisor that was turned into a scapegoat for company financial mismanagement.  We've been jerked around since then with unemployment.  We were lucky to have the benefit for about six fulls weeks until losing an appeal filed by his former employer two weeks ago.  We are now engaged in litigation, which is exactly the sort of thing you DON'T have money for when you're a one-income family.

It's been an experience, though... on one hand, I have my hilarious, loving boyfriend back, and I cherish that more than anything.  On the other, we are struggling financially, and it is starting to take a toll on me.  I never imagined being the sole provider for our family, and quite honestly, make just enough money to pay the bills and have a little left over for the month.  The bright side of all of this is that we are ok-- we can't live as comfortably as we once did, but we have a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat.  Others aren't as fortunate, and I am especially cognizant of that at this time of year.  It also gives us a great opportunity to re-evaluate where we are-- J never got to finish college and it looks like this is the perfect time for him to pick back up and get his degree.  As a strong believer in higher education (and an employee of a university), I couldn't be more thrilled for him.

That's the update on our personal struggle for now.  Updates to follow soon regarding our recent trips to Virginia and the Bahamas, my own work-related stress and our plans for the holidays.  Welcome back, readers!

time management.

It's funny that summer is my easiest season at work, but busiest personally.  I think it's a little silly that I haven't updated this blog in nearly two months-- my time management skills are not at their peak in the summer when I actually have time to breathe at work and enjoy myself at home!

It's been a good summer, overall.  I am over the moon with how productive we've been at work-- the amount of things we've accomplished is staggering.  However, it makes me a little apprehensive for the semester to begin.  The days of quiet focus fly out the window in exchange for deafening chaos.  I've been in this field for almost 10 years now, and it still takes some adjustment every August!

We've been super busy at home as well.  Jeremy's football schedule rules the roost once games start in June-- every Saturday is all but devoted to the love of the game.  We sleep in, eat lunch by 1pm so J has enough time to digest before playing, and he's off to the field by 330.  I hang out at home or run errands and head to the game by 7, and by the time it's all over and we've grabbed (hopefully a celebratory) dinner, it's 11pm!  This season, the Lions are doing pretty well.  Hopefully their momentum will carry them to a playoff season again, just as in previous years.

Beyond football, we've spent a lot of time with friends.  There's a lot going on all around-- new babies, big moves, birthdays and more!  The next baby to arrive, however, is the most exciting for me.  Ellen and Andy's little boy will be here within the next three weeks!  I can't wait to meet little man.  As sad as it was for Ellen to leave at the beginning of July, I am so grateful for technology that allows me to text/call/IM her every day.

I was able to go home for a week in mid-July.  Time just flew by, as I had scheduled myself pretty much down to the minute before I even landed in Virginia.  I spent time with my favorite little boy, my parents and sister, traveled to Richmond and Charlottesville to catch up with great friends and even squeezed in a mini-trip to the Outer Banks (one of my favorite places on earth).  It was much-needed away time, but also... enlightening.  As I get older and my parents age, I do miss my family.  However, it was a big lesson to learn that my parents might not necessarily realize that I have aged as they have-- it's hard to be treated like a child when you're 30!

I'll lay this lengthy review to rest for tonight with a(nother) promise to update more often again.  I suppose now that busy time is setting in at work, my blogging skills will revive as well?

introverted introspection.

Watching me at work, you might not know that most personal interactions, especially with groups, make me extremely anxious.  I tend to hide my discomfort well, a combination of great public speaking classes and forced personality changes when on the clock.

Those who do know me both in and outside of the office understand-- I'd much rather spend a day with one or two close friends, chatting and enjoying a quiet place than experiencing the sensory overload of a crowded, loud space.  I'm an introvert at my core-- a trait I think comes partially from my shy father and homebody mother.

This being said, I was too excited to see this article posted in my friend Ellen's google reader the other day.  Finally, a primer for helping people understand me!  It's so odd to be around extroverts all the time (my field tends to be chock full of 'em) who don't understand why I may sometimes come across as cold or boring.

In the case of Jeremy, the conversation is generally more "OMG WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO GO TO A DAY LONG CONCERT AND THEN GO TO A PARTY AFTERWARDS?!"  It's hard being in a relationship with an extrovert-- J craves social interaction, has a lot of friends and always has something on the agenda.  I, however, am simply exhausted when even thinking about some of the things we have on deck sometimes.  It takes a lot of out of me to be talkative around people I don't know and to force interactions-- I  hate that this makes me come across as a bitch sometimes, but it's who I am.  If you don't believe me, pay special attention to Myth #10 in the article I posted above.

So, dear reader, are you an introvert or extrovert?  What do you find the hardest to deal with when interacting with "the other type"?